Thursday, July 18, 2013

I think I may be done


I've become really frustrated and disillusioned over having an internet presence in general and social media in particular.  I feel like this morning I had an epiphany.  Basically, this isn't me and it isn't what I want to BE me.

My blog has become a mostly unenjoyable responsibility for the past year or more.  I don't regularly update and yet I find that I'm constantly thinking about things I "should" blog about.  It's crazy to literally THINK in blog posts, but that's where I am.  And what's even more crazy is that what repels me about blogging and social media is the very thing that's almost addictive to me.  So often, I feel like I'm the writer of my own "Truman Show", except that I KNOW everyone  some are watching.  And it just feels wrong.

I'm sick of myself taking pictures of the most menial things so that I can post them on Instagram.  I'm tired of needing feedback and comments to feel good about something that I do or write.  I'm embarrassed that I have gotten sucked into a need, or at the very least, a definite want of ego stroking.  I remember years ago when I got dressed and LOVED it and didn't give a thought to how it would photograph.  I remember doing things and enjoying things without taking a picture or giving commentary.  I remember when I just lived my life.  When I wasn't attached to the computer.  When I wasn't a perpetual voyeur.

The computer has become so much of my daily routine. Checking my blog.  My blog roll.  My twitter.  My Instagram.  Bottom line is......the problem is me. This online presence is just NOT the person I want to be. Others seem to be able to balance it all and take it in stride.  I'm not one of them.  I want to just enjoy my life and my family.  I want to learn some new things for the sake of learning them, not so I can post, tweet or Instagram them.  I want to maybe learn to knit.  Read more.  Take more walks.  Go do things with friends more.  Maybe volunteer at a retirement home.  I want to write.    I used to really enjoy writing, but along the way, I've gotten so self conscious.  I know me.  I'm at my best the fewer voices I have in my head.

So, I'm thinking it's time to step away from blogging AND twitter and maybe Instagram at some point. Maybe I'll be back with another blog later.  Never say never, right?  But for now, I don't even want to think about that.   I want to not NEED to be seen, to be heard, to be complimented, to be noticed.

No need to comment as I won't be checking back on here.  But I did want to leave my email in case any of you want to write and keep in touch privately.  Here it is:  serenesineath@gmail.com  

Love and hugs everyone!!


Photobucket

8 comments:

  1. I'll miss your hugs and moral support, girlie. {hugs}

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think you had the best decision, too much computer's never good for health. You think "lol" in your head when you find something funny. That's not natural at all :) It was a good blog you made and the readers will miss you but understand too the decision of closing it. I wish you the best on your way :) XXX from France

    ReplyDelete
  3. I hope it's a haitus- as I love your voice, perspective and gorgeousness and I found you via this blog. BUT I GET IT. I am so nearing that pudding-wall of burn out I understand. So please step away, take time off. But come up with a plan- of making this a vehicle not the destination.

    I will do the same.

    Lately in spite of all my money producing and projects that are contigient on the interwebs, I have fantasies of, gasp! just making real life art. With paper and scissors, pens and paper and paint. So off grid- just as you phrase it to live that live, not chronicle it. I think it's healthy and it's balance seeking equilibrium. Good for you, but also- boo hoo. I miss you already.

    ReplyDelete
  4. On the off chance you do read your comments, I'm not a blogger--just a reader of quite a few, but I think understand where you're coming from. One of my favorite sayings is, there will never be enough time for me to read everything I want to read. One can really get caught up in spending hours in front of the computer. And yet I find myself swearing that I will not read all the news that is out there on the net, and also just turn off the TV. I am so sick of seeing people out in public with their little smart phones glued to their hand, so much so that they cannot even share a tete-a-tete with a friend over lunch without the little toy in hand. Sociability is not faring well in this day and age. You'll probably become a better person for having taken a break, maybe even a very long break, so enjoy yourself and try not to be tempted to jump back into the fray.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Serene, are ya there? I just read your comment over at Vahni's blog on Holy Grail Bags. I think you should start an LV fund. I want to contribute to it. I hope all is well with you. I miss your smiling face. XO, Jill

    ReplyDelete
  6. Interesting blog :) I'll be visiting you.Greetigs from Kraków (Poland)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I really enjoyed reading your posts. Please let me (and your other readers) know when and if you start posting again.

    We seem to be fashion twins and going through the same existential blogging crisis as well. How is your break from blogging working out for you? I'm planning on a long break, probably until after the summer. I miss just living my life without viewing it through a bloggers lens.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment! ~Serene