~Open letter to Dress Barn

Dear Dress Barn,

I've been holding this in for years and now, for the sake of my colon (I can feel it knot up every time I walk by your store), I need to let it out.  I absolutely won't shop at your store.  Any of your stores actually.  And it's not because you don't have some really lovely things.  For instance, this dress...



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This dress is adorable!  Truly!  But it has one serious flaw (as do all your items) that I simply can't overlook.
It's got a label in it that reads "Dress Barn"!!!  How can I, as a self respecting woman, wear anything that came from a BARN!?!  I don't WANT to buy my clothes from a BARN....I want to buy them from a STORE.  Just like it's not a compliment, "What wrong with you?  Raised in a BARN?"....it's not flattering to know that I'm buying my clothes from a barn.  Barns are for animals, livestock, horses, cows, and all the droppings and equipment that comes with it.  It's for shoveling hay, feeding animals, housing all sorts of leather equipment and even hoe-downs!  But it's absolutely, unequivocally, certainly NOT the place for fashionable ladies to purchase ANY of their clothes (okay, maybe a pair of chaps......), much less a DRESS!



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Does this fabulous little number look like it came out of a barn?  I would absolutely buy this....but for one problem.  I put it on and I'm feelin' all cute....then someone says to me, "Serene, you look great!  I love that jacket!!  Where did you get it?!"  And then, crestfallen and eyes averted, I have to admit and say, "I got it at Dress Barn."  Honestly, I'd be prouder to say that I dug it out of the pile at the Goodwill Outlet!

You advertise in top fashion magazines.  I see you putting your best foot forward in In Style and Lucky.  That's fabulous!  But it still doesn't change the fact that your name is Dress BARN and all the images that conjures up.  Just change the name already.  On behalf of women everywhere, please don't make us choose between finding a great deal and having to suffer the humiliation of admitting where we got it.  I feel so strongly about this, I won't even THRIFT your donated clothes!  You know why?  Because I'm a woman of principle and my principles tell me that every woman is a princess and princesses don't buy their clothes in BARNS!

I hope that you have taken this to heart.  I apologize if I have hurt your feelings, but I really needed to get this off my chest.  The health of my colon is just too important to me.

I bid you Good Day,

Serene