Tuesday, January 25, 2011

~I break with thee.....

short pants1

Dear Half Pants,

You are SUCH a tease!  When I first saw you, I thought, “Hmmmmm, How inn-TER-esting!”  You were so different.  So unique.  So unlike anything that had come into my life before.  So then of course, I had to try you on.  The hips, the legs….PERFECTION!  The waist….SHEER TORTURE….  But I was not to be deterred.  I realize that anything worth having is worth a little work.  And you, dear half pants, I felt sure, would be worth the work.

I snipped away at your constricting, impossibly small waistband.  I added the necessary elastic.  Our first moments together were spent modifying you and trying you on until I thought  I had made the perfect adjustments.  Awww half pants, I just couldn’t wait to wear you.  I knew you were something special.  I just KNEW we were meant to be together for a loooong time; sharing special moments, making memories and basking together in the spotlight that we were MADE for.

I styled you wonderfully for our first date.  It was SUPPOSED to be special.  It was SUPPOSED to be the first of many.  But YOU!  You turned on me!  You slowly squeezed me.  This was no lover’s embrace.  NO!  This was boa constrictor-slow torture-excruciating-oh.my.gosh. please let me die-how quick can I get these suckers off-that’s okay, I’ll wear these dusty overalls right out of this thrift store-please make it END-forget the blindfold and just kick the stool out from under me already-she was murdered by her pants-I think I may have a tree sized tumor growing out of my stomach, I didn’t realize that I could be vertically cut in half PAIN! SERIOUSLY!  Are you KIDDING me?!?!?!  I thought we meant something to each other! 

Well guess what!  You wanna piece of me?!?!  BRING IT!  I’m yure HUCKLEBERRY!  Have fun at the LAND FILL BUDDY!   I hope some big maingie possum sneaks up on you and uses you as his fancy new bathroom!  We could have been something, but you and your short crotch and shrunken waistband ruined everything.   In short……I think I truly HATE you!  Half Pants…..I BREAK WITH THEE!  I bid thee ADIEU and may God have mercy on your soul!


SHOES:  Gift

HALF PANTS:  Satan’s child


  1. Uh, oh. This post has me rethinking that leather skirt I bought that is just barely big enough. Better luck next time Serene. if it's any consolation, i like the military vibe in the jacket.

  2. Serene...your look so great in them...are you sure you want an end to this relationship! Now I look bigger in half pants...but you look fab and with this amazing jacket and the wonderful wedges..well you might regret the break up! Some day you will think, why oh why did I react so quickly....just think about it because BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO!!

  3. Terri, I actually LOVED the outfit. But those pants were just the most painful thing!

    Pam, they're history! LOL I threw them in the trash as soon as I got home! As much as I love the look, I can't tolerate the horrendous PAIN!

  4. boa-constrictor! haha! Well, you look fabulous! I really love the jacket and all the amazing details on it!

  5. Very funny post. And, as you say, no clothing is worth pain. I've tossed things that looked nice but hurt to wear. There's no reason to be unhappy. You make this point in a very humorous way!

  6. awesome jacket- looks great! i'm shocked you thrifted it, what a find!
    <3 mode.

  7. Awwww! I totally agree that clothes are NOT worth the pain... but you do look AWESOME in those trousers! (Can I have them? :P)


  8. Biker, I'm happy to suffer some for my fashion, but this was BEYOND suffering. When internal organs are being affected, it's time to let a piece go!

    Vanessa & Mode, I actually got this jacket/sweater from a Goodwill Outlet where you dig through bins of stuff. $1.39 a pound. When I saw it, I thought that even if I found a defect, I could use the fabulous buttons for something else.

    Leia, If it had occurred to me that anyone else would want these pants, I would GLADLY have saved them and sent them to you. Seriously. But, they were sooooo painful, the moment I got home I ripped them off and flung them in the garbage. I think I may have even poured coffee grounds over them just for spite! LOL

  9. Satan's child! God, I feel you. . I sometimes try to do stuff like that too, although your experience sounds excruciating. Next time, get a gorgeous pair of pants on sale, and snip it to make your own half pants :)

    saves the pain. . and you'll look even more divine :D xxx

  10. DP, THAT'S BRILLIANT! Seriously, I really didn't think of that; but what a great idea because I really do love the look!

  11. Ha! Hilarious ~ I can relate and there's nothing more miserable than wearing something painful. I wore my peep toe pumps one day last week and wanted to throw them out the car window on the drive home. My feet hurt for two days after that. Shoes, meet the donate pile. Hey, maybe your pants and my shoes will get together.... ~ Susan

  12. You really look so divine in that outfit but I understand.
    I agree with Devilishly Pleasurable, when you get a pair of pants on sale and make some half pants you will be a lot more comfortable.

    I remember when I had sewn myself a pair of pants and the waistband was so uncomfortable that I never wore them again.


  13. HAHAHA!!!:)

    You look amazing but if it's really such an abusive and painful relationship, it isn't worth it! You have done the right thing Serene.:)

    I passed a beautiful blog award on to your beautiful blog my friend! Enjoy!:)

  14. Thanks for being brave enough to be your authentic self! You look so happy in your outfit! It's definitely unique and definitely you.

  15. oh man, Serene, if i'd been wearin' those pants when i was reading your post i would've done the possum's job and peed on them myself!!! "forget the blindfold and just kick the stool out from under me already" as Homer says, 'it's funny because it's true'!

    i agree, you should find a way to COMFORTABLY wear this look - it's great on you, and not many can pull it off. wonderful jacket, too!

    well, i'm off to clean up ; ) steph

  16. You looked wonderful, but I certainly understand not keeping painful pants!

    I was at a wedding rehearsal with Hubby last summer, actually wearing a dress. By the end of the rehearsal, my abdomen was in so much pain... I was getting worried. I called my mother (she's an RN).

    Just as I had been considering a trip to the hospital, I changed out of the control-top hose I wore. I felt MUCH better quickly!

  17. i love your cardigan , you look pretty x

  18. great jacket! love that you wore it with the half-pants...kept it casual.



Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment! ~Serene