~and you learn...

Dress:  Vintage, thrifted   Belt:  Chicos   Shoes:  Franco Sarto via TJ Maxx  Necklace:  Inherited from my mom



A few years ago, I was going through a very difficult and emotional time in my life.   My mom had passed away and a year later my marriage ended.   It was as if everything that I felt so certain about was far from certain.  Everything in my life seemed unstable and precarious.  I couldn't even IMAGINE a time where I wouldn't hurt.

In the midst of that time, my aunt (my mom's sister) was doing her best to be there for me and to try to find words to help heal me AND encourage me.  She told me that she was waiting for her husband in the doctor's office and had her head down silently asking my mom to help her to give me what I needed.  According to my aunt, after several minutes of her silent prayer she felt as if her head was yanked back and found herself staring at a framed poem on the wall in front of her.  Once she read the poem, she hurriedly wrote it down absolutely believing that it was just what I needed.  She was right!  Here's the poem:

After a while, you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security,

And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats
With the grace of a woman,
not the grief of a child,

And learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight

And after a while, you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure…
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn
and learn…

With every goodbye, you learn.

~Veronica Shoffstall

If someone had told me 5 years ago that 3 years later I would meet the sweetest kindest man I've ever known and that he would make me feel more loved than I even thought possible, I would have called them insane.    But it's true.    And the poem is true.  I have learned.  Many things.  But there are two lessons I've learned that stand out to me the most.  The first......Trust myself and that little voice inside me.  So many times over the years, I discounted that voice as the voice of insecurity or emotionalism.  I was pleasantly surprised to come to the realization that that voice was actually dead on most of the time.  Doesn't mean I'm right all the time, but when that little voice speaks up, as far as I'm concerned, it's E.F. Hutton and I'M LISTENING!  Second lesson....no matter how things look today, things change.  The beauty of that is that no matter how bleak things may look, they can turn on a dime.  No sense in getting too bent out of shape and twisted over a bad situation.  A year later, things can look amazingly different.  The Serene I found rising out of all that pain, has certainly learned and continues to learn.  But I can honestly say, if the pain gave birth to who I am and what I have in my life today; I can accept that.  In fact, I'll even embrace it.  So I'll be off now, planting my garden and decorating my soul!!