Saturday, November 6, 2010

The Impervious Compliment Wall

I've been getting alot of compliments lately on my use of scarves. It's odd because, I've had scarves for a while, but really haven't known how to use them. Now, I'm seeing them as shirt potential, wearing them over any ol' shirt and belted with or without a jacket. I love it!

And on the subject of compliments, I put alot of value on them. Mark Twain said, "I can go two months on a good compliment" and he was SOOOO right! A sincere compliment just feeds my soul. My daughter and I were talking the other day and she mentioned that one of her acquaintances make an unflattering remark about a friend. The friend found out and it really bothered her. I told my daughter, "Why is it that we can hear 100 good things about ourselves and barely believe them. But we hear one negative thing and we treat it as gospel and go into self assessment mode?" My girly and I decided that compliments are bricks. And we use those bricks to build up a wall against the stray insult, criticism or snarkyism that is bound to be lobbed at us sooner or later. As a blogger and definitely as a woman, we're vulnerable to disapproval. As a blogger, I put myself, unshielded for public perusal. As a woman, it's in my nature to be a pleaser, all the while warding off feelings of not being good enough, pretty enough, thin enough, etc... At 44 years old, I'm determined to wear confidence like underwear.....clean, fresh, daily new and definitely worn all the time! It's not an accessory, it's a foundation garment!




Scarf......J. Jill gift

Belt & Boots...... Thrifted

Jeans......TJ MAXX

Dancing Queen - That's what I feel like in this dress!


  1. and i also think that compliments are gorgeous underwear too (secret accessories!). i love the shopaholic series where the protagonist rebecca bloomwood justifies gorgeous underwear by 'what if i got run down and they thought of me as "the girl with the grotty underwear"). so the whole idea of compliments are great foundation underwear elicited that thought! :)

    not sure if i am making any sense though.

    love seeing how many new ways you're coming up with to do your scarves up in. i love scarves and am excited about breaking them out!

  2. I see negative comments in the blog world all the time--one of my favorite blogs the other day got a really sharp critisism. I know it ruined her day--but usually, she'll get 60 comments a day of "cute outfit!"
    You are wise to teach your daughter to build that wall~confidence is so important.
    I think I have learned--finally--to take a compliment gracefully. It took a long time!

  3. I really like the idea of using compliments as bricks, to build a wall to shield away negativity. This got me thinking, that we (as women) should also be able to compliment ourselves. It seems that women are quick to judge and be negative towards themselves, (looking in the mirror and noticing our flaws) we should be kind to ourselves and accept compliemnts and believe them :) and to talk to ourselves the way we talk to others.

    ~Em K

    ps. The second comment on my post was hilarious! I know I have done the same.

  4. Devilish, I'm having so much fun with the scarves and I feel like my eyes have definitely been opened to the possibilities of how much they can add variety to my wardrobe.

    FOF, my daughter is miles ahead of me in confidence even at my age of 44. I'm so glad for her. It's horrible to be riddled with self doubt and insecurities....I've wasted too many years on that!

    Em K, you're so right. We're so kind to others, but brutal on ourselves. Would be great for all of us to treat ourselves and others compassionately. It's not conceited to feel good about yourself; it's healthy! I'm still a work in progress, so when I write about confidence, I'm preaching to myself! :)

  5. Gorgeous scarf and I love it belted! I like to see this unique look!
    I also thought your words on compliments vs. criticism was well-thought out and well-said. It's true, too. Once, someone commented that they were "not sure about my bag" but that I "rocked that skirt." The only take-away I had was that someone didn't like that bag. And it bothered me, because I've never been the kind of girl who wants/needs a second opinion. I like to shop by myself, I don't need to survey a room before I make a purchase. I know what I like, but still... it's that comment that I remember! Hmmm. Something to think about, for sure!

  6. oh, I like thinking of confidence like underwear. You need to make buttons to that effect!

  7. You've got a lovely blog and I'm glad to follow! Are you taking the 30for 30 remix?

  8. great post and so very true- we focus on the negative and disregard the positives so readily.

    great look wearing the scarf belted they way you have done.

    i found you via nfg- your comment about age caught my attenion as i am a few years behind you. off to read more of your blogs.

  9. Vanessa, I have yet to see you have a bad look! I love your confidence and like you, most of the time, I prefer to shop alone. Don't need a bunch of voices in my head.

    Terri, Thanks girly! Can't wait to see your 30 for 30...I'll be following you closely!

    Angi, thanks for the follow and I have returned the kindness. Looking forward to getting to know you through our blogs.

    Alecia, thanks so much for visiting! Come back anytime, the coffee's always on!

  10. What a beautiful post! I mean it, what you said about confidence gives me confidence!:) It's such a a great reminder that we can choose to be confident, just us, ourselves, whether others approve or not, that it stems from within! Thank you SO much!

    I just popped over from Modesty is Pretty and have enjoyed your style, words, and blog. I am a scarf lover myself and would never have thought to wear it like you do!

    Take care of yourself and keep being wonderful!

    Love Colleen


Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment! ~Serene